Aaron Aardvark
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A Jumbo Cock UpI was having a jolly game of uckers one afternoon with a few of the boys The rest of the band were on a gig and I was enjoying a rare afternoon without getting chased by RAF dogs.
Anyway….at RAF Northolt we were used to hearing big green aircraft thingy’s coming and going: the odd helicopter or the posher ‘Queen’s Flight’. We didn’t really think much about the distant groan of a large plane’s engines at first.
One of the boys had an enormous sock going…at least seven bricks. Suddenly he stood up and shouted “who keeps wobbling the ******* table? With that his sock crashed to the floor and ‘up-tables’ was declared.
It was at that moment that we all heard it. Faces went white, eyes widened beyond the diameter of a blue NAAFI plate. Screeeeeeeeech rumble rumble bang skiiiiiidddddd. It wasn’t a Kodak moment, or a brown pants moment it was more of a call in unison of “What the f*** was that” moment. (I personally didn’t say anything, as by this time I was inside a bass drum. quivering and shouting for my mummy. Funny what you find inside those things..but that’s another story)
We looked out of the window. The perimeter hedge was…..well wasn’t anymore. Then we saw it. A bloody great Jumbo Jet. Now for those of you who don’t really know Northolt, it can just about take a landing Jumbo but it sure as hell isn’t long enough for one to take off again.
Now the next part of this I had to hear from one of the RAF dogs, as we obviously were not there as the pilot of the Jumbo climbed down from his plane into the arms of the MOD Plod. It went a bit like this
“ hello, is this Heathrow? I didn’t understand any of your transmissions. I’m from India. What does “f*** off you t**t you are three miles off course….no…..no…..nooooo….don’t you dare land that f******g thing here. Oh my god oh my god no…no… Oh S**t. Mean?
It did take off again 2 days later but minus all its crew (except the 2 pilots obviously), passengers, seats, spare wheels and with about 2 gallons of ‘avcat’….just enough to get it to Heathrow. I’d would have given my left grolly to have been in that conning tower when they saw that thing coming.
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