Bobw
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Cologne TipsHere are some useful(?!) tips sent in by experienced Cologne veterans to make your trip that little bit easier. If you have any more just post them here.
| Quote: | Alcoholic Translation Fluid
“Confused by German phrase books? Can't remember if "Bratwurst" is "der", "die" or "das"? Unsure how to conjugate the third person past participle of the verb “gehen”? Forget it! Converse easily with your Prussian chums merely by drinking an alcoholic translation fluid!
You will have heard the expression "It's just the beer talking", well it stands to reason that German beer will speak German! Therefore if you drink enough Kölsch you will soon become fluent in German too!
All you Cologne veterans must admit to having seen a German drunk and a British one happily talking 'Cologne Bø!!ø©ks' to each other, whilst being totally incapable of understanding one another whilst sober.” |
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Bobw
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One from DAB (sounds like an anagram to me!):-
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"Do you keep getting lost in a piece of music? Do you continually forget the key signature? Can't remember if it is Semper Fid or Trafalgar after Heart of Oak? Fed up carrying around a thick wad of march cards? No problem! Ask Bandy if you can play bass drum instead and just go 'Boom'-'Boom'-'Boom' to every piece - easy"
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Good idea, however one drawback would be if everyone did it. Who wants a band of 40 bass drums?
But you do get a nice warm tiger skin if the weather is chilly.
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Bobw
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| Quote: | "Save space in your baggage by going to the party dressed as a Royal Navy Volunteer Bandsman. Then you don't need to pack a fancy dress costume, leaving extra room in your bag to carry more yummy Pot Noodles, crisps and choccy bars!"
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Mmmmmm, Pot Noodles! 
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bassdrumal
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STOP!!!!!!
No mention of Gummy Bears?
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Anne Picc
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I think I've probably still got a few in my uniform from last year. Just about finished removing the others from my sparkly leg incident at Mandy's leaving do 
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Andy
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but have you got rid of all the blue paint though anne?
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Anne Picc
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I kept a bit just for old times sake 
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ZedHorn
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anyone noticed any BOGOF deals on pot noodles yet? 
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Bobw
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| Quote: | "Are you fed up with the dreary, disgusting task every year of scraping all the toffees, boiled sweets, bits of broken glass and horse poo out of the treads of your boots? This nauseating task can become a thing of the past by rubbing the bottoms of your boots with sandpaper until all the tread has worn away and they are completely smooth. That way nothing can get stuck in them and they will stay clean!"
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Yes, however you may find running on 'slicks' could be tricky if the conditions turn wet or icy! Ask Timo Glock!
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Bobw
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| Quote: | "Make extra room in your luggage for scrummy Pot Noodles by only packing one pair of pants and one pair of socks. If you spray the socks with deodorant every evening when you take them off they will stay soft and fresh-smelling all week! Likewise, wear your pants normally on day one, turn them back to front on day two, turn them inside out on day three and then rotate them 180 degrees again on day four. Repeat this process until you return home."
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Yes... Well... For some reason Bandy took your name off the list when he read this. Sorry! 
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bassdrumal
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Works for Jimmy Saville apparently......ok, not really, but i do happen to know (dont ask me why) he does only go away with one pair of each and washes them in his sink each night ready for the next day!
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oldnboldbob
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CologneI have just been reding the thread on Colgne. It seems that everyone has a lot of fun and advice, but what actually is the Cologne gig???
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Axl
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| ZedHorn wrote: | | anyone noticed any BOGOF deals on pot noodles yet? |
Not BOGOF, but Asda are doing 4 for £3.
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Big Ted
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Oldnboldbob
Quoting one of my esteemed colleagues Anne
| Quote: | Gig after gig after gig evening after evening, following mile after mile after mile of marching while playing (or at least at the last resort occasionally pretending to play), accompanied by manic dancing, even when your feet are refusing to shift one more step, while all the time gaining increasing levels of competency in waiting while standing ,often outside in the cold, rain and perchance snow, washed down with free beer when you can get your hands on it (sadly no as often as it used to be) and all with 3 - 4 hours sleep a night is closer to the mark.
The reason we ask to go time after time? The fantastic company. Nothing else would make you even consider it! |
We play at the Rosemantag Carnival in Cologne over 5 days
hope that helps!!
Big Ted
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bassdrumal
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Yep - Reckon thats about the sum of it
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The BB's
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Further to Anne's remarks as I was told before my first trip:-
If you see a chair - sit on it
If you see a bed - lie on it and try to sleep
If you see a toilet - use it
If you see food - eat it
If you see alcohol - drink it
I think that just about covers it!!!!!!!
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bassdrumal
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As the Cologne Virgin last year, i will offer some advice......
When sliding down the huge banister, do NOT grip with your thighs. Ok, so you wont look so cool gracefully sliding down under a bit of control, but you wont have the bruises either.......I remember those!
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greenfairy
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And you mocked me for not trying the sliding thing...
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ZedHorn
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Just trying to work out if we tell Tim it's compulsory to do the bannister.....
part of his initiation???
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littleblondmonster
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WE HAVE to do that gummi bear thing again! That was sooo hilarious xD
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bassdrumal
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| ZedHorn wrote: | Just trying to work out if we tell Tim it's compulsory to do the bannister.....
part of his initiation??? |
Yes Yes and Yes again - Get the hint
Thats what i was darn well told so no excuses
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ZedHorn
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More fool you.... three years in and I've yet to do it!
bribe bandy with a beer and a promise to play pianissimo and I'm sure he'll oblige! 
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bassdrumal
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Hmmm true, he may do - probably not if you call him Bandy though
3 years and not done it eh? Must be your turn! :-)
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Princess Fiona
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7 yrs and still not done it either Zed. And no it's not my turn this year either. I'm fully aware of my limits!
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bassdrumal
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Look, i promise i will be at the bottom ready to catch ya!
Cant say fairer than that really
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Princess Fiona
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But I won't make it to the bottom, and I'll make a mess, then you'll miss valuable beer drinking time trying to clean me up. So best all round me thinks!!!
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Princess Fiona
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Plus Princesses have to remain demure at all times
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bassdrumal
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Woah Neddy, never said i will do the cleaning up!
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Bobw
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| Quote: | | "Do you find it awkward doing a four hour parade with only a two hour bladder capacity? Hate having to fight your way through the crowd of spectators, find a loo, then running to catch up with the band again? Never fear, with some plastic tubing and some bodge tape all that is a thing of the past. Just tape one end of the tube over your genitals, ensuring the flow will be unobstructed (you may need the assistance of a good friend here). Remember male and female parts vary considerably and you will need to use plenty of tape to ensure a water-tight seal. Run the tube down the leg of your trousers, allowing the other end to poke out beside the heel of your boot (you may wish to paint it gloss black in order to be less noticeable). Now when you are taken short you can just stand nonchalantly over a drain cover by the side of the road and relieve yourself with no-one around suspecting a thing! If someone does get suspicious just divert their attention by pointing and exclaiming "Gosh, look at that over there!" |
Remember you will need to shout this in German so the spectators can understand you. Therefore you will have to drink copious amounts of Kölsch translation fluid beforehand. Perhaps there is a slight snag with this plan!
Also it will probably be cold, therefore expect a cloud of steam to start rising around your feet!
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ZedHorn
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Good practice today guys.... am feeling the love and the ching booms already!
Z xxx
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Anne Picc
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Feeling the love eh? Was that before or after the top B flat trill I had to do - twice?! Just imagine that with Axl and I playing. I can imagine Les feeling the love already  
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Axl
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| Anne Picc wrote: | | Feeling the love eh? Was that before or after the top B flat trill I had to do - twice?! Just imagine that with Axl and I playing. I can imagine Les feeling the love already |
WHAT????? Top B flat trills?
I think I'll play mine down the octave, just to look after peoples' ear drums you understand, and not because I'm crap that high up.
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ZedHorn
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| Axl wrote: | | I think I'll play mine down the octave, just to look after peoples' ear drums you understand, and not because I'm crap that high up. |
chicken.... 
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bassdrumal
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Tea Urn / Boiler
OK bad news, but i am still on the case...Apparently they have been made obselete and they are not to be used anymore!!
Looking into alernatives
Got Tea
Got Coffee
Got Sugar
Getting some "goodies" too
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Axl
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I'll brink a kettle then, just in case.
And Zed, can you bring some corn-feed for me?
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Andy
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for people that havent yet stocked up, sainsbury are doing 3 for £2 on pot noodles
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ZedHorn
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| Axl wrote: | | Zed, can you bring some corn-feed for me? |
I was thinking more one of those electric volted cattle prods but I will see what I can do! I be in the country after all!!!
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ZedHorn
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| bassdrumal wrote: | | Getting some "goodies" too |
define goodies.... cheese, crackers and port for the ferry have been sorted btw...
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Axl
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| ZedHorn wrote: | | bassdrumal wrote: | | Getting some "goodies" too |
define goodies.... cheese, crackers and port for the ferry have been sorted btw... |
I've got some cylume bracelet thingies.
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bassdrumal
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| Axl wrote: |
I've got some cylume bracelet thingies. |
Yeah but they taste rubbish 
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dollydrumstick
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| bassdrumal wrote: | | Axl wrote: |
I've got some cylume bracelet thingies. |
Yeah but they taste rubbish |
Worse than that! - they make your pooh glo
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dollydrumstick
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| ZedHorn wrote: | | bassdrumal wrote: | | Getting some "goodies" too |
define goodies.... cheese, crackers and port for the ferry have been sorted btw... |
Yep Port has been dictated by the skipper - will hopefully be Calais
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ZedHorn
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water boiling machinery has been acquired c/o CPO 'I'll blag anything you want I'm a loggi' Page!
Only thing we now need is a few cartons of long life milk and we're sorted!
just add ching booms for guaranteed fun and good times!
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Big Ted
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Pot Noodles - European Ban
Sorry to be bringer of bad news, but it is official pot noodles have been banned in all EU countries due to new environmental laws outlawing methane gas expulsion. This new directive championed by the Federal Authority Regulatory Team (otherwise known as FART) means that you are not allowed to bring pot noodles into the EU without a licence!!!
Tehe!!
Cologne B*ll*cks!!!! Its started already!!!
See you on the bus!!!
Big Ted 
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