Fleet Band returns

Aaron Aardvark · Fleet Band returns

Hello all.

I am so pleased that I can now communicate again with all my friends. I have been all round the world during my retirement and really miss the Fleet Band banter. I have seen my friend jellyfish several times and have finally stopped my addiction to emptying fire extinguishers.

admin

Aaron,
You have obviously travelled far and wide and met many strange and interesting beasts. Why not tell us of your games at Fleet band and the interesting things you saw whilst living under peoples beds?

Aaron Aardvark

I have been searching my little Aardvarky brain and am compiling some good dits. I will treat you all to my stories in installments and as soon as I have consulted my lawyer to make sure I won't get sued I will let the fun begin. Keep an eye out on the dit page and remember 'LETTING OFF FIRE EXTINGUISHERS FOR FUN IS FUNNY BUT VERY SILLY' and 'Beware very hot sausages.' See you all soon Aaron xx

Nick Jones · IYM

Just to report an ad hoc meeting of the IYM in Deal, Sept 2005. Jones and Dunstall. Were still watching you Dan!

Dan A · IYM

Jones... you have ruined every dump for the past 19 years!!!!!!! Wait untill i get my sausage within range of you. Remember the Fatwa!!!!!

Good to hear from you Nick,,,,if you are in contact with Clive i have a great dit about him, the Sea Princess, a urinal and the fifty quid he returned to the Crown!!! LOL. Another Fleet Band away day with Ted and Glo!!!! And we got paid for it !!!!!!

Anyway Nick see you sometime. Hope you do not see me first.....a swift sharp sizzle and we will be even !!!! LOL
Dan

admin · Re: IYM

Once a bugler... always a bugler!!

Aaron Aardvark · Naked

Of course there was rather more went on at 'THAT' BBQ than has been mentioned. After drinking that Paracelsian iatrochemical mixture that contained the Night Nurse a certain cello player decided to stop breathing. What do his mates do? Mouth to mouth? CPR?. No....they threw him stark naked over the fence where some VIP was just pulling up at the guard room in a black bullet proof car. Could have been worse. He could have actually hit the car.

Nick Jones

Dan, Mark - that was a classic afternoon! After consuming the night nurse and vodka I retired hurt! However I was woken by someone (can't remember who) and convinced myself I'd overslept for last of Windsor Duites the next day. I leapt out of bed, got dressed in my suit and tie, grabbed by Cerries and hatbox and ran to the front of the band block to jump on the bus. As I got to the block there was no coach, I looked towards the Naafi to see a number of bemused people in shorts/t shirts holding pints and staring at me .................it was about 8PM not AM. Doh!! When drinking night nurse avoid Vodka at all times!

Hope you're both well. Dan, I travel to Northampton quite a bit with work - if you're still in that area let me know and I'll drop in (I won't bring any Walls products with me - honest!)

FFoglamp

Hello, Dan, Nick and the aardvark !!!!

Don't forget corporal scapegoat here had to report to the Station Commander and apologise the next day (and G-Raff and me had to refill all the fire extinguishers).

Plus, it wasn't just vodka and night nurse, Dave Berry threw in a bottle of Medori liqueur !!!!

Co-admin

So, who is Aaron the Aardvark?

'Radio Aardvark' was broadcast by Aaron the Aardvark (assisted by a member of Fleet Band who must remain nameless due to the fact that no one ever knew who he was) to the boys deployed on RFA Argus in the gulf, West Africa and the 1988 trip to Australia. Aaron also sent out a weekly edition of the 'Adventures of Aaron Aardvark', had the T-Shirts made and sent out to the band plus all sorts of other silly stuff to boost the morale of the members of Fleet Band. There are rumours that Aaron may have learnt to play a musical instrument whilst living under the various beds of the Musicians in Northolt whilst they were away but this has never been confirmed due to Aaron being a shy creature! Aaron also spent time living in the broom cupboard at MOD in Whitehall protecting the interests of the Band Service at large.
Aaron would have been awarded the Commandant General's Certificate but could never be found to have it presented...

Aaron the Aardvark we salute you

admin

Well, what a start to the day:
There I am, still in work and in shock, working on the current issue of the Blue Band when a box lands on my desk. A certain amount of grunting and sniffing could be heard comming from the box. I picked upthe box, as you do, and gave it a quick shake when the box said "Oy lofty, wrap in, I'm trying to get some kip"

In a slight panic I opened the box to see a small brown furry 'thing' in there. I poked the thing with a pencil and it lept out of the box "You do that again sunshine and I'll shove that pencil where you don't want me to sunshine, if you get my drift!".

In the bottom of the box was a note:

Aaron Aardvark

Oh I am so glad young Albert got there ok. I was very worried. I didn't want him to get in with a bad crowd you see. I know the serious repercussions that can have. He is usually well behaved but sometimes the family genes rear their head and he can turn quite nutty. DONT let him near any sausages.

Aaron

FFoglamp

aaron? Did you serve on the Aardv Ark Royal ?

Co-admin

General Melchett

There are a few of those T Shirts left, now sadly retired from Ceremonial use....

Aaron Aardvark

THAT!!!!! is not one of mine. It is an illegal.

General Melchett

It's an original..... But whose original? Would you recognise your own work Aaron?

General Melchett

Maybe you remember the Fleet Band song -

Words to be sung to the Guns n Roses tune " Paradise City"

Take me down to the Northolt NAAFI,
Where the Beer is GOOOOD!
And the girls are PREEEEETTY!
etc

Aaron Aardvark

I remember the younger more immature members used to sing stuff but as a respectable aardvark i wouldn't lower myself to join in.

General Melchett

Anyone remember this Fleet Band stoater?
70 ranks Fleet / Deal
All expenses paid
5 days in the UAE
Mick Goss in charge
What could possibly go wrong?
Answers later....

Nick Jones · Gib (Fleet band)

Another Fleetism!

Do any of the usual suspects remember the name of the very young, fresh out of the box bugler who, when we were in Gib, offered to buy the whole club a drink and when it came to paying produced a small handfull of shrapnell (no more than two quids worth), confidently slammed it onto the bar and slurred 'take it out of that!'. I seem to remember being chased for some distance by irate Gibbo's.

Nick Jones · BAM

And on the subject of Fleet Band - who remembers BAM? (and what it stands for?)

Answers on a postcard.............................

Aaron Aardvark

Ahhhhhh Bam Bam Was that he with the unfeasibly large head or are you thinking of someone else?

Nick Jones

Yep, in the words of Robbie Williams.................he's the one!! Lovely man!

General Melchett

I heard about his leaving run just before I joined, is it true that he left in a wheelchair?

General Melchett

A couple more questions for Aaron, Ffoglamp, Nick, Deli, Max etc

When I joined from CTC (March '90) I was told a couple of great stories, but can't remember the whole gag. Most were related by Fred Miller, Doddy, Grints and Martin Dawes. So if you could spin me the rest of the yarns......

1. The Fleet band Rally / Fancy dress / treasure hunt that ended up with ? in Full Hitler rig and swastika's on his car, which unfortunately proved to be indelible.

2. Colin the Carrot that apparently was hung behind mick Goss's back to the cry of "What no carrot?" at the time of luncheon

3. Who actually was responsible for sponsoring the Aardvark and actually starting all of this nonsense?

Yours expectantly,
Melchy

Aaron Aardvark

Well Melch old bean....this is the 'Horace' story
1. The Fleet band Rally / Fancy dress / treasure hunt that ended up with ? in Full Hitler rig and swastika's on his car, which unfortunately proved to be indelible.

Oh that was a jolly day. Bob Clack and his missus went as Hitler and Eva Braun. Bob looks the part anyway but he decided to spray swastikas on his car and stand up with head through sun roof doing heil Hilter salutes through Wembley high street. wahhhhhhhhhhhh When he came to scrub the swastikas off said car they wouldnt budge I have no idea what he used to apply them in the first place,(possibly Chrystal Tip's lipstick) but NOTHING, and we tried everything, would remove the swastikas.

We had nothing but sympathy for the old chap.(NOT) It is terribly frightening driving round London with swastikas on ya car.

General Melchett

Bob Clack! That's it! Thanks Aaron, old man. I heard a dit that he left the mob with nothing but two waitrose plastic bags to his name

We did resurrect the treasure hunt thingy in'92 /'93 unfortunately the "nun's on the run" nearly got raped - It must have been my fishnets, ahem

And the "french waitresses" (Messrs Walker and Jack) got set upon by homophobes in Denham which resulted in an almighty brawl.....
Strangely enough time was called shortly after!

Any other answers?

Co-admin

Wasn't it the Buglers who did the police car?
Blue bucket on the roof and Jonah hanging out the window with his bugle and the traffic parting like the red sea for them

Aaron Aardvark

yeh......they did....until some real copper told them that if they followed him he would get them there quicker

FFoglamp

I thought it was G Raffe who blew the bugle out of the window to part the traffic. They whizzed past us as we were at McDonalds near Wembley, cos we all had to drive through and get a packet of ketchup !!!!!

Then we all had to drive around and in the car park at Wembley Stadium (god bless it). Sounds easy enough to get a clue, except that Doddy who was organizing the thing hadn't reckoned with the Whitney Houston concert going on !!!!!!!!!!!!

Does anyone remember the first fleet band rally when Harty, Chalky and ?
and ? went as the "A" Team, and had to run through Heathrow Airport for a clue. SMALLLL security panic !!!!!!! ?

FFoglamp

Anyway Melch old chap. In answer to your other queries,

2. - Don't know. After my time .

3. Who actually was responsible for sponsoring the Aardvark and actually starting all of this nonsense?

As I mentioned way earlier on another thread ( only 995 to choose from )
We wanted to adopt an animal as a mascot, like Percy does, and as Mick Goss was boss, we thought of well.....
anyway it was most inappropriate, so we came up with the nearest equivalent as it was

a) unusual

b) first animal in the phone book

c) derived from Fleet Band DOM and word association football

i.e. Goss / Boss / Hogg / Pig / Landpig / Aardvark

Then came the t shirts, the endlesss cartoons, and my favourite: - drawing pigs and then aardvarks ( or pigs with snouts for most of us who couldn't and still can't draw ) on the inside of the coaches in the condensation, on the way to gigs.

This was always fun as it disappeared before venue arrival, EXCEPT in Cartegena, when Boss Hogg stepped off of the bus and there they were,
a pig in every window. WWWWWWaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh !!!!
Laugh, I nearly scunthorped !!!

Then came Aaron Aardvark, everything aardvark, a radio station, a logo, tapes sent to the gulf band, a legend, and now in 2006, a nephew, and lots of hard relatives.

Well thats my version/fantasy of events. Anyone know any different ?

Aaron Aardvark

I also have vague recollections of a nun being chased by a gorilla followed closely by a huffing and panting mummy up Wembly Drive dodging past bazillions of people trying to get into the Whitney concert...

Cant think of names though....it was difficult to tell as I was being chased by a batman.

MrJpig

I remember the Heathrow incident. You had to get the price of a ferrari and add it to the cost of Turtle soup on concored do a mathematical calculation which resulted in a number to phone for the next clue. Brilliant until plastic rifles entered terminal four and the `A` Team (PORT BAND???) got decked by armed Polis.

Cook and I were silliy scouts dressed like Benny Hill.

It all finished in a brilliant pub by a canal where we couldn`t work out why a couple were sitting in the corner totally engrossed in an Encyclopidia of Golf until we went outside and through the window saw it was concealing a skin mag..Their faces when we tapped the glass..... PRICELESS!!!

Aaron Aardvark

whos botty is this then??

bootybandy

Definately NOT MINE!!! Oooh Look, there's Al Reed second on the right and he's not making a move for it. I think Bill Waltons seen enough though.

Co-admin

Union Jack shorts! I've still got mine but they look more like thongs now

RAB

mrbassbone · Re: BAM

FFoglamp

Not saying anything about BAM as it would be Unfeasible !!

However, back to the photo of approximately 5 posts above, this is in Belize 1988, Fleet Band. I know becuse its my pit that Al Reed and Nutty Hooverton were sat on. (I recognise my green and white towel, and I think I was asleep at the time). The others are Robin Waddell, Chris Bogue, and Bob Waterhouse. Thats Lee Cullen as well. Sorry, cannot recognise the bottom or indeed its owner, so step forward and I D yourself Mr. faded Union Jack shorts ? Could be Mick Davey ? Perhaps he had just farted in Bill's face.

So, who took the photo, was it AA, who are you, and other such questions ?

Co-admin

Check out the reflection in the mirror!

FFoglamp

:smt046 good one Deli. Now we know it was Aaron !!!!!!

Aaron Aardvark

......ah yes...rumbled! You can see where Albert gets his looks. I was a tad younger then

Nick Jones

Hmmmmmmmm..................Bill Walton near a bare bottom......answers on a postcard?????????

Fleet Band returns

IYM

IYM

Re: IYM

Naked

Gib (Fleet band)

BAM

Re: BAM