[FFoglamp]

Hi, campers. Just switched over from episode 2 in the commercial break.

Right, food time.

You've had the San Mig, and courtesy of Botty, you have 8 portions of "Babys Heads on a Raft".

Now, courtesy of AA, you will have 10 items delivered in time for breakfast, being..............


1. Rice

2. Beans

3. A General Melchett Sandwich. Just jot down 3 fillings of your choice, in the diary room, and the famous General will make a delicious sandwich of the finest ingredients he can get his hands on.

4. A double Vodka and Night Nurse.

5. Haggis and Pee (I know Botty can handle both of these).

6. Pussers Egg On a Rope (complete with instructions on how to slide this in and out of the gullet a la pull through).

7. Cold burnt sausages, found in the jungle, complete with what looks like brown sauce.

8. a Champagne and Benylin cocktail.

9. Steg n Chips - direct from Nelson Chiefs Mess, with instantly exploding plastic cutlery.

10. A Wanked Egg Roll.




Now for the voting.

Its elimination time, and we want you to vote for the person you want out of here. Actually we are getting rid of 2 people, but you can only vote once for your un- favourite. The top 2 with the most votes are out of here. Now, you can't vote for the 2 volly dollies still stumbling around lost, as they may return, battered and bruised, with a story to tell.

So, get voting....................................

[Aaron Aardvark]

Nooooooooooooooo NOT DONKEY!! I love donkey, donkey no liiiiiiiiiie................Donkey!!!! Dont die!!! Eughhhh must have got bad end. hic

[FFoglamp]

Morning all, and a beautiful sunday it is.

The troops are well fed and well pi$$ed.

Good news, A and Greenfairy have found their way back with their creamy hatbox. Glad the champagne and benylin came in useful.

The reward for you two, is that you have avoided the dreaded elimination vote, so you definitely get to stay..........until the next time.

Current SP on the voting out:

Pumpy is way out in front with 57%, must be the "exciting" Blobby dit we all loved. Geekygirl in 2nd.

Get your votes in today, who do want eliminating ? Top two evicted late TONIGHT !!!

[FFoglamp]

Strange goings on in the camp today.

The diary room is where the contestants vent their spleen.

Firstly, Pumpy denies he has anything to do with the virtual jungle sketch, then he appears in the diary room. Of more concern is Windypipes who does not appear in this show, but keeps sneaking in to post. I think its WP who is nicking all the spare cookies.

Geeky girl and Vic Shaw in the lead for elimination, Pumpy now a close 3rd.

Windypipes, you weren't in to get out ! (Unless you are disguised as the stuffed donkey )

[admin]

***************NEWSFLASH*****************
Today is Pumpey and Aaron's turn in the celebrity hatbox challenge.
They are not going to be wearing anything silly as an Aardvark and a six foot five bloke look daft enough together as it is without really trying to make them look sillier.

PR: Come on Aaron, let’s put your lead on and go walkies
Aa: Sod off, I don’t need a lead you plonker unless you are going to use me as a guide Vark for the criminally silly!
PR: Did you get out of the wrong side of bed this morning?
Aa: I don’t have a bed, I have straw and there is only one way out of straw. Now get a move on or we’ll never get the hatbox you pillock

The two set off, Aaron leading as Aaron’s map reading skills had been honed in the retirement home whilst sharing a grot with the bat from the 33rd foot and mouth skirting borderers.

Whistling the regimental march of the retirement home “We're old and smell a bit” Aaron lead off leaving Pumpey trying to fit a drum part to it.

PR: Is this in ¾ Aaron?
Aa: Nope
PR: Is it simple time?
Aa: Yes it is simple, just like you now shut up, I’m trying to whistle whilst I work cos Hitler is a twerp, he’s gone barmy like his army., whistle whilst you work.
PR: Got you buddy, I know what you mean. I find it very difficult to
Aa: WHATPARTOFSHUTUPDON’TYOUUNDERSTAND
PR: Sorry
Aa: (Mumbled) One more word from him and he’ll have an Ardattack, I swear it!

Upwards and onwards they went following the map that was as much use as a useless thing with no words on it in the dark without a torch.

Aaron looked ahead and saw a huge mound (well, it would be huge to a small Aardvark, and shot ahead

PR: Wait for me Aaron, I’m knackered
Aa: Yea OK, no worries
Aaron legged it as fast as possible up to the big mound…
Aa: DINNER!
PR: What you found?
Aa: Nothing, go away, I found it first, they are my ants, not yours, go write a fanfare or a static or do a mess beatings or beat retreat by yourself behind that tree. I saw them first, they are mine!
PR: What? An Ant hill? What do they taste like?
Aa: Ants, what else would ants taste like? The key is down one of these holes and I am the only one who can get it. You go find the hatbox and stop being stupid. You can’t eat ants.
PR: Yes I can, I want to taste one. If they are good enough for you then they are good enough for me.
Aa: YA reckon? Ya really think you can get the key?
PR: You are JUST an Aardvark. Of course I can get the key
Aa: JUST an Aardvark? Right Mr Justavark, lets see you stick your tounge in there and pull out a key…

Pumpey bent down and stuck out his tounge to start licking in the antholes searching for the key

Aa: (Mumbles) Just an Aardvark… moi…. JUST an Ardvark… only just… me thinks not, I’ll show him

With a jump Aaron about turned and sprang forward, Claws bared and tounge away the claws connected with Pumpey’s rear like a sharp pointed piece of wood that had been dragged along the pavement being stuck into marshmallow.

Aa: Getya in there and start licking

Pumpey fell forward and reached in to break his fall. As he did Aaron spied a key above him and quickly grabbed it

Aa: Keep licking mate, it’s in there somewhere
PR: They hurt me, they are all red ants and keep biting me
Aa: (thinks: Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh FIRE ANTS! My fave!) I’ll go round the other side and have a look for the key round there.
Aaron scurries round the other side of the ant hill and eats as many ants as is varkly possible for an Aardvark to eat before legging it to the top of the anthill through all the ants (which of course don’t bother Aardvarks at all) and grabbed the hatbox.
Aa: Keep going mate, I’m going to look for the hatbox and I’ll be back to help look for the key.

Key and hatbox in hand (Claws) Aaron skipped back to the camp to the tune of British Grenadiers without Pumpey

ON arrival back at the camp Aaron described how Pumpey had found a new love in his life and refused to come back because he loved the ants more than people.

GF: Oh knickers to him then, let’s open the hatbox!
ALL: Yea, open the box Aaron

On top of the box was a note:
Dear all, I hope you’ll like my little gift to all of you.
Love Deacs (Chevron Recordings)

A: What is in there?
Botty: Yea, more San Mig I hope
Les: Pussers!
Rab: Heavy
Zed: Penicillin
Geeky: A Poster?
Vic: A travel warrant
Stuffed donkey: Straw?

Aa: No Look, Creamy Buns!

[FFoglamp]

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh ! Is Pumpy back yet ?

There are a few creamy buns on show in there tonight !!!!

Yes its me back again, on my own. (Seventeen Hornblowers !)

Thanks to Deli, for an extremely riveting exciting day in the jungle with the Hat Box.

Voting closing in half n hour, so get in now, if you ain't done it yet.

Top two to be eliminated and its close between 3 of you. In fact 95% of the total voting goes on these 3 . Stuffed Donkey and Les are safe for now.

Results soon. !

[FFoglamp]

VOTING CLOSED !

............and here are the results of the Norvegian jury.

The 3 people who polled almost all the votes were...........

(and 1 of you can stay)


GEEKY GIRL
VIC SHAW
POMPEY RICH

2 of you must get your stuff, and the other one who can stay is.....

PUMPY !!!!!


So, say goodbye to Geekygirl and Vic Shaw. The other forum members have voted you out, something to do with the amount of input perhaps.
Oh, they didn't turn up.

Someone tell Pumpy he can stay, if he comes back from ant licking, that is.

[bootybandy]

Damn...I wanted Vic to stay, she added a little class to the proceedings.....

[admin]

It seems that the evictees are saying their goodbyes already.
FFogers is down there and Hornblower must be off on a cat V somewhere!

Vic: Bye guys, I'm going to miss you all

Geeky: Any messages for the outside world and lets have a team hug before we go!

GF: Who are you two?

A: Miss you both already

Les: Tell them to send some tiger

Rab (hic)

Botty: Can I borrow your sheepskin coat?

AA: Is that pumpy coming back? I can hear a couple of sticks tapping on trees. Sounds like 3/4s!

Botty: No, it is that woodpecker again I think

Z: Look into the eyes, deep into the eyes, not around the eyes

A: Can you get them to send some food in. We are starving

Pumpey: Helooo, I'm back!

Les: Tell them to send some pussers as well

Rab: Hic! Phhhharp

Pumpey: How much did we loose by?

GF: Who am I?

and so we leave the gathering as the two evictees make their way back to their 1* B&B for a slap up breakfast and then the number 34 bus home. We know how to make our contestants feel special!
G'night all

[Pompey Rich]

Sorry. No ant licking on the Isle Of Wight at the moment. As for the snakes in my back garden and the crocodiles walking up the road. Well isn't that normal?

[FFoglamp]

Ok guys, its time to move on to eppy four !!! No post jungle interview for those two, they've gone straight back to the pussers bus and home, and why not !

So, the vote is for the next bush tucker trial.

This is called simply ~"poem for FONDS"

You vote for the person you most want to see compose a poem and post it here, and the subject is all about this years "Festival of No Drum Static"
as reviewed by Pompey Rich.

The resulting poem will earn 1-8 meals (Donkey no eat), as judged by its artistic content by Mr J pig, the Caithness Laureate !

...............and my "other half" presenter, Hornblower, will be back tomorrow, mebbe.


Contestants, keep the diary room going.

Deli, stop monitoring the shower !

See you in EPISODE 4 - RETURN OF THE PUMPY !

[MrJpig]

Well wasn`t that a fun packed action filled ANTTASTIC episode....Welcome to the repeat of the second showing of the TORMBST2 prog (lines closed) prog.

Just to remind you that voting is now open for which member you would like to write a FONDS poem.

I just hope the person who writes it picks up the title correctly and doesn`t spend a lot of effort writing about an ageing rocker with tight white t shirt and black leather jacket who hangs about in a teenagers cafe.

Good luck to RAB and GF in their challenge and if I`m spared I`ll catch you all later after I have judged the Poem!

[geekygirl]

Oh no, I turned my back on the forum for a couple of days and got voted off! (Were holidays not allowed, i musn't have read the contract properly in my sad desperation to get back to celebrity stardom.) Guess it saves me trying to write anything witty to win the public vote, and getting sacked for skiving off work. My plan of sitting in the corner of the camp, quietly drinking enough of my secret alcohol stash to keep a stable but high alcohol level, to survive the horrors that were going on around me, obviously backfired. Oops.

Well, can't hang round here writing as in true "I'm not a celeb, get me out of here" style i have an appointment with my new agent to discuss all the job offers that have been flooding in, and a load of invitations to answer from z-list celebrities who've invited me to parties. Who knows, this could be the very thing i needed for my ailing celeb career. And having put a large bet on that i'd be voted off first, I'm off to count my winnings, or perhaps i'll get on of my staff to do it.

Champagne anyone!

[admin]

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