RAB
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Ackers is Knackered Hello chaps and chapesses..FOSNI Band used to cover all the "gigs" in Neptune in the early/mid 70's. We were sent to do a dance band gig in the Chief's mess, and Acker Bilk was topping the bill.(Who?? I hear the youngsters holler) As I was the bass guitarist, I was appointed "Chief Electrician". Our DOM, GH and Acker decide we should share certain amps, speakers etc. to smooth out the change-over routine when they came on to strut their stuff. This mean I had 6 sockets on my board, but needed 8 to fulfill requirements. In those days you could(but shouldn't) double up a socket by poking the wires into the socket, secured by the following plug..Hey presto 2 into 1 does go. Idid this whilst trying to hide my dastardly deed from Mr's Hoskins and Bilk, who were standing over my shoulder. Task completed, I boldly announced. "OK Lads..Switch On "..Bang phlut,sizzle...and blew every socket in the hall. Mr. Bilk calmly stated.."YOU'RE A F*%$iN' SMART BA****D and burst out laughing. Not the final mistake of the night.
When Acker's band was coming on , we were still playing(Misty I think) and they just blended in with us. His bass player came on first and gave me a 2 finger sign, which I returned immediately along with a "spin on that". Then it struck me the guy was merely confirming the key we were playing in(2 fingers up=D).. ..Y'ever get one of those days...... 
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General Melchett
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Nice to see that the professionalism and friendliness that one expects from a Bandy has always been there! Well done Rab, I hope you told Bilk to stick his crappy toned clarinet up his ar$e as well 
Bass players, what woud we do without them!
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RAB
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| General Melchett wrote: | | Rab, I hope you told Bilk to stick his crappy toned clarinet up his ar$e! |
Melch old boy..As I explained to you by PM, Old Acker was so pie-eyed at the end of the night, he refused to return to his hotel...A night in the Jnrs Mess at Neptune, and there wouldn't be any room left up his ar$e for his liquorice stick...I think he may have written a new song after that called "a Felching I will Go".... 
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MrJpig
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Melchett quote:_ Bass players, what woud we do without them????
You would play horrible tinny, treblie, um chuggie, ratta tat tat, plinky plonky music...THAT`s WHAT!!!!
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General Melchett
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Point taken Andy! 
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RAB
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| General Melchett wrote: | | Bass players, what woud we do without them! |
1) Be sober more often.
2) Have a full Band for Colours every morning
3) Bring less "Contra" back from foreign trips
4) Find EVERY Band Member actually has a buckle on their white belt.
5) Die from boredom
6) Probably pick on the "Bulgers" more often
Need more????
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General Melchett
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So apart from all that; What have Bass players ever given us!!
Bassus Eunt Domus...........
yes, my latin grammar is poor! I should have conjugated the verb (eunt)!!
I don't believe I'm being set upon by two bass players in my own band room!
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RAB
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| General Melchett wrote: | | I don't believe I'm being set upon by two bass players in my own band room! |
Jos..When you reach the dizzy heights of "pipped" shoulders and scrambled egg peak, you will experience the full weight of a complete quartet...Be afraid.. 
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General Melchett
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It's alright Rab, I've reached my ceiling and am awaiting demotion to Stripey in July when I return to Rosyth. So I may never have that privilege... 
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FFoglamp
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Rab, you have just made my day........rolling round with laughter...need another surgeon to re sow up my sides again.
It was the key of D sign, followed by the return of "spin on this" that got me. WaaaaaaaaaHHHH !!! ROFLMAO to the power of 5.
Incidentally, when I was with FOSNI the next generation, I did Neptune with the dance band and Acker Bilk was there again. He never asked about your welfare though.
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RAB
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| FFoglamp wrote: | | Incidentally, when I was with FOSNI the next generation, I did Neptune with the dance band and Acker Bilk was there again. He never asked about your welfare though. |
Well there's a surprise..  . The title of this thread actually came from the great man's own mouth. He had a "never empty" bottle of wine on stage with him throughout the marathon gig, and he stopped playing in the middle of a number, Buuurp'd loudly into the mic. and calmly announced "Ackers is Knackered".. Quite a character...
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