Smokey Vokes' short lived coffee boat

Hey Nonny · Smokey Vokes' short lived coffee boat

Anyone remember the 'pirate' coffee boat set up by Smokey Vokes and some other mafia types in East Barracks, must have been in 1988? They were trying to break the monopoly held by Uppy and James T Kirk. I remember Quirky trembling with anger and claiming 'mutiny' when he found out they had competition. I think the dispute was eventually resolved but not before much hilarity was had by Trg Coy.

Last I heard of Vokesey after he'd been politely asked to leave RMBS (nothing to do with the coffee boat incident) was he'd subsequently joined an Army Band and was spotted by General Melch in the middle of the desert in 1991 during Op Desert storm.

See what this site does to you - all those long buried memories start coming back. Good heavens, my wife even caught me spit and polishing my slippers and ironing my socks last week

. I couldn't offer an adequate explanation other than it seemd to be filling a massive void in my life.

bootybandy

A pat on the back is well deserved for the slippers and socks routine, but see Wolfy for any Bert training.

RAB

..Yes nonny, we can't have any improperly dressed members on the Forum, and I'm glad to see you're keeping up the standards...

Coffee boats were a very important section of RMB, as at least you knew there was a "calorie haven" never too far away when the "whisky hunger" kicked in after a quiet run ashore...

ps..Just checked..Nothing harsh about this post....

Hey Nonny

Things have got serious, I've downloaded 'revile' from Johnno's excellent site (see elsewhere on this forum) and have set it to go off at 6.30 every morning. What I haven't been able to simulate as yet though is the sound of the bulger warming up in the heads for half an hour before hand. Can anyone help?

And now I'm as proud as punch having made it past audition to basic training stage. Let's hope I make it further in the virtual band service than I did in my previous career. Oooh, ooh, is there any way I can become a Section Commander and get accelerated promotion?? Can I?? Please? My psychiatrist says it would help with my treatment enormously and possibly even save me a few months of therapy.

MrJpig

Wolfy

admin

I am the bearer of bad news... The OG sock has gone, it is no more. We now have the choice of thick or thin black socs so no more ceremonial sock incidents.
As the Rt Hon Member for Perthshire pointed out, the coffee boat is a fine place for breakfast, stand easy and lunch. The Pompey coffee boat is close to the bar so liquid refreshment is either coffee or not coffee! Pie and a roll with a pint, how civilised

MrJpig

$hit..in that case I don`t know I was going to say....if you still have one in your collection of RMB memorabilius.....

Most definitly green...and a full sock at that, none of yer mini snood sock tops that make it appear that a full sock is being worn

Hey Nonny

Very well, an Olive Green sock it is then! Ah that feels better already, see what I've been mising out on all these years!

Now I'm just trying to remember the lines for first drill... 'On the first note of the bugle you will spring to attentioner...' and I can have my very own parade in the mornings. I just need to get the sheep and cows lined up and ready for inspection

, er... actually maybe I've revealed more than I meant to on this public forum.

RAB

Wolfy

bootybandy

There will be no inspection of any sheep on this forum, without them first being given a once over from uuummm....oooohhhhh. I wish I hadn't said that now........

Hey Nonny

New alarm call worked a treat! Parade ground has a light dusting of snow, but nothing too serious. Cows and sheep fallen in ready for inspection, yes sirreee!

Thanks so much for your help and understanding. I feel a new man, now for these sheep...

General Melchett

'Smokey Vokes' Now there's a name.......

I did my audition with him, we both attended the same careers office in the north-east, his father ran a market stall around Hartlepool and was the inventor of the paint pad - beloved of Buglers for buffing up their brasses to a shine.

He was nails, and very intelligent, wily as a fox and mad as a hatter. He used to make his bed in basics perfectly then sleep underneath it every night on a roll mat to avoid messing it up.....

He taught himself grade 8 cello and A level maths in one year, but his favourite pastime was drinking barley wine and fighting with that shrinking violet Ivan Allenby.

He earned the sobriquet 'Smokey' in Basics. We were practicing 9 man section attacks on the training area and were preparing to assault the final position. I was on GPMG and had gone to the flank to provide covering fire with my No2, everyone ran past ditching link by us as we got the rounds down and they lined up on the start line for the attack. Everything was going smoothly, fire was going down and they leapt up on the command "PREPARE TO MOVE - MOVE!". Vokesy was on the flank and when the order for 'SMOKE!' came down from the centre Vokesy reached in one of his pouches - and pulled what he thought was the grenade out. In reality the grenade lodged in his pouch, the pin came out and Vokesy became the human smoke machine..... His pouches and combat jacket were alight and emanating bright blue smoke as he ran wildly around the position trying to bin his kit.
The attack somewhat faltered after that....... It could have been something to do with the laughing!

Vokesy left in term 7 after an 'altercation' with Tim 'The toilet tyrant' Mee and joined the RCT Band. As Master Nonny said I saw him in the desert just north of Al Jubayl on the way to Kuwait in '91.

He was last seen in living in luxury in what the Daily Mail calls the 'Costa del Crime' and is doing rather well for himself........ Hmmmm

Hey Nonny

It was a reasonable turn out this morning, though I felt some of the ewes could have made a bit more of an effort, there was mud on their coats and the shine on their cloven hoofs were disappointing. I’ve got one of them coming back for ‘extra parade' tonight once the wife has gone to bed. Goody goody.

Wolfy, please help me out with the script for ‘First drill’, I had to make it up as I went this morning but next week we’re all going to be making a much bigger effort up here in the hills.

We even get a fly past from the RAF most days as the buggers use my house as a navigation point. I wouldn’t mind but it breaks my concentration when I’m taking extra drill...

FFoglamp

Hey Nonny, now that you have settled in to the "reveille" routine, you need to get a partner, (preferably a wife, friend or buddy), to stand at the end of your bed approx. 5 mins after reveille, with a broom handle. Then if you won't get up, they can practice "TOOTHPASTE" on you, by slapping the end of the bed, moving up, and squeezing you out of your pit.

This always works for me, I now lead a full and active life, and am wide awake by work time.

I am also now rarely seen running around my back garden with my mattress on my head.

....and you try telling Health and Safety that today, and they won't believe you. Aye !!!