Location: Alverstoke, hand rearing Greyhounds for recognition training for the Scottish Constabulary
Posted: Sat Nov 18, 2006 10:33 pm Post subject:
An Ode
The Drum Major is a graceful chap,
He stands there tall and proud.
His eyes are misting over
As he shrieks out long and loud.
What did you do with that Sausage Jones
He said with a quiver in his voice.
I inserted it in your rectum Dan
You did not have a choice.
Dan reached round and grabbed his ring
And felt his seared ar$e
It wasn’t a pretty sight lads
but they all raised a glass
A big guffaw spread fast and loud
From the assembled men around
Dan was hopping mightily mad
Whilst Jones did hid in the crowd
The screams were heard in Ruislip
And even Chalfont St Giles
Now Dan walks very gingerly
And does suffer from those piles. _________________ One is hardly sensible of fatigue while he marches to music.
****************NEWSFLASH******************
Today is another day, GF & A have been lost in the jungle and last seen passing the large bushy top tree near the reentry by the spur. They have a grid reference but hopefully it will be cleared up with some tablets and some cream by the time they get back.
The next hatbox pair are about ready to leave. Suitable dressed in their fetching pink lycra leotards and Wellington boots Pumpey and Zed are looking quite dapper. Sadly Pumpy’s leotard is a tad small as it was intended for GF but he’s in it… well, almost in it! Not designed as a thong back it does look a bit silly now.
They have been pointed in the right direction and are off up the track to the top of the hill.
PR: Oh this leotard is chaffing, what is good for chaffing Zed?
Z: Friction
PR: No I mean what is good to stop chaffing?
Z: Stop the friction
PR: Should I let the shoulders on this leotard down a bit?
Z: Rich, they are supposed to be shorts, you have the bit that is supposed to go on your hips on your shoulders. If I were you, I’d wear them as shorts.
Pumpey pulled the bits off his shoulders and adjusted the family jewels…
PR: Oh, that’s better, was playing havoc with me farmers that thong back!
The pair head up the hill and see the hatbox hanging from a tree just out of finger reach if Z sits on pumpey’s shoulders with the key a little bit higher and further out on another branch.
Z: Rich, go get those barrels and that plank and bring them over here.
PR: Who made you the boss?
Z: Considering you were the one wearing the thongs I think it goes without saying who’s in charge, don’t you. Now do as I say.
Pumpey sulked off and picked up the plank and barrels walking them back over to the area.
Z: Now, make a see-saw and put that barrel the other end. I’m going to stand on the plank, you climb on the barrel and jump on the end of the plank. I’ll shoot up, grab the hatbox and then we can do the same thing for the key. Zed stood on the plank and told Rich to mount the barrel. Rich smiled and winked at Zed
Z: Rich, don’t do that to the barrel, we don’t have time, just stand on it like I said.
PR: Sorry, I thought you meant MOUNT the barrel.
Rich pulled his bulk onto the barrel as Zed looked up at the hatbox.
Z: OK Rich, on three I want you to jump OK?
PR: Is that on three or after three?
Z: I say one, two, three and then you jump OK
PR: So I jump after three and not on three then?
Z: Rich just bloody hump will you!
With a deep breath Rich launched himself into the air, bent his legs
Z: NOOO, I’m not
and as he started his descent stamped as hard as he could on the plank
Z: Readyyyyyyyyyyy
screamed Zed flying upwards at the speed of a 3 badger finding the bar is free and there isn’t a queue.
Zed headed up, hit the hatbox sending it flying, the branch with the key on snapped on Z’s head as did more as she sailed upwards and onwards toward the canopy of the trees. Branches snapped and rained down on Pumpey as he looked up in amazement of Z’s speed and height. “Oh, she’s faster than I can play the alert and higher than a top G!” Zed felt the feeling of weightlessness as she began her descent. Falling rapidly through unbroken branches she felt a sharp tug on her shoulders as her leotard snagged on a branch.
Z: Yeeeeeowwwwww
She screamed as the shoulders of her leotard acted as a bungy but started to slow her descent.
With a twang, the branch snapped and Z headed back down. Toward the plank. Hitting the other end of the plank at a fair old rate of knots. Pumpey’s end of the plank headed upward and connected with his groin just before Z hit the floor thereby breaking her fall.
PR: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh me nads!
Picking herself, the hatbox and key up, Zed went over to see Rich, now curled up on the floor with tears streaming down his face.
Z: I’ve got some cream in the first aid kit that you can rub in that chaffing but you have to try and get back to the camp.
The two made their way back to camp, Zed walking and Rich bent double bumping into trees…
Once back at the camp they opened the hatbox.
On top of the package was a note from Mr Bass Trombone
“Hi guys, I hope you like the present… Mick AKA Mr Bass Trombone”
Reaching into the hatbox Aaron pulled out 10 bottles of San Miguel and a stuffed Donkey _________________ http://www.royalmarinesbands.co.uk
The online home of the Royal Marines Band Service
Aaron, that shower cap ? I thought that was a pair of violet knickers adapted for a moment.
Ok, Ok. Thats how you do it, Botty. No messing.
I think i'm going to have to award 10 meals for that.
Well done.
Coming up in episode 3 will be your 10 menu items. This will be 10 separate meals, you will have to fight for them amongst yourselves. Don't get greedy, save 2 for A and Greenfairy, they may be stumbling back as we speak. _________________ | Visit my site | My personal page |
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Well done Zed n Pimpy, but who gets the stuffed Donkey ?
