The forum of the Royal Navy Volunteer Bands

Pompey Rich

A few years back in the days when HM Prison Service was quite an enjoyable career to persue before the various ranks became dreaded managers, several individuals tried to form marching style band. Sadly it did not really take off because the department decided not to pay subs or give time off to attend gigs. Also, the main guys who started the failed band were all brass band players and woodwind were offended and totally left out much to the annoyance of several musicians. Especially those from the military band world. Anyway. Stoke Mandeville hospital in Bucks has a large and fantastic disabled complex and every year (I think) HM Prison service lays on a big charity event which is run by the PE Department much to their credit. This particular year involved the late HMP band (RIP) and the one and only Mr Blobby. Now then. In the ranks of the drum section were myself, Fred Philpott, and Dave Bentley doing Drum Major. Also present were loads of hairy assed screws who like me, spent most of their career rolling around the floor in violent situations. Of course this was before Political correctness had slithered in.

Enter Mr Blobby. If any of you have ever met this character then you will know that there is a clause in his contract which states that he is not responsible for any damage caused when he performs. Also, he would not give any reduction from his fee even though it was for a well known disabled charity. The fact that he flew in in his own private helicoptor wound people up even more. Mr Blobby certainly did fly in and land, and he started performing just as we were marching up and down.

Mistake No 1. He decides to grab a very expensive cornet and wins the tug of war from an ex pro boxer. After a few select words from 'Rocky', the pink spotted tw@t handed the cornet back quicker than he'd taken it and thought it best to walk in and out of the ranks mumbling 'Blobby, Blobby, Blobby). He then spots the drum section.

Mistake No 2. He then pushes me out of the way which was stupid cos' I'm a 6ft 5" lump, and then proceeds to try and nick Fred Philpotts drum and sticks. That made two drummers very irate. Before we have a chance to 'deal' with the situation, he tries his luck with the tug of war again only this time with Dave Bentley and his staff. Now I only no Dave Bentley through the Prison Service and I can only assume that he's a very quiet chap who always seems to smile. However. On this particular day, Dave was fuming. He somehow managed to give the correct halt signal with the staff and as the bass drummer halted the band, some of the drum section marched forward to give their own display. Not drumming, but Control And Restraint (dealing with violent individuals). Sadly, this turned into an anti climax cos' when Fred Philpott went for his right arm, and I went for his left arm, Dave Bentley leaned forward seething in Mr Blobby's face and gave him a few home truth's. Mr Blobby decided there and then that he had entertained enough, about turned, and did a Beat Retreat which was so quick he made the Light Infantry pace look like a waltz tempo.

Some may think that this boring little dit may be a little far fetched, but after a brilliant drum display, we all proudly marched off to Colonel Bogey which was the icing on the cake for the whole event. Albeit without woodwind (sadly).

Sorry about this dit but I had to tell someone.

PS. After the gig I was actually approached by a complete tw@t giving it the large one. Yes my friends. Mr Blobby did get aggresive out of his pink costume and was promptly dealt with. Until now, I've kept it very quiet. However when I returned to work I was questioned by a certain Governor who fully understood the situation after my explanation. I got away with that one and would like to thank Dave Bentley, Fred Philpott, who were good eggs especially durig that gig. And last but not least, may that certain Governor rest in peace. God bless you sir. You are missed. Amen.

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RAB

Pompey Rich · Posted: Sat Nov 18, 2006 11:30 pm Post subject:

Remind me never to post a dit on here whilst P@ssed.

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FFoglamp · Posted: Sat Nov 18, 2006 11:44 pm Post subject:

Aw shucks Pumpy. Its Ok. If you weren't pi$$ed we would never know, would we.

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Mmmmmmm PIE!!! How rare.

Pompey Rich · Posted: Sat Nov 18, 2006 11:58 pm Post subject:

Anyway. How did your lot do today. Win or lose? My nipper is dying to know.
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bootybandy · Posted: Sun Nov 19, 2006 12:03 am Post subject:

Leeds them them score more goals than they did today. Leeds lost.....
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FFoglamp · Posted: Sun Nov 19, 2006 12:06 am Post subject:

As aforementioned at Buglers Grot.....good win for Pompey (again). Do the crowd like Lua Lua again then ?

Can't believe Saints actually won away from home. It was 3-0 as well, but then again it was only Leeds. Anyway, pumpy, didn't think you'd be interested in the minor leagues down the road.
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Mmmmmmm PIE!!! How rare.

RAB · Posted: Sun Nov 19, 2006 12:07 am Post subject:

That's the spirit Pumpy..Change the subject completely..

Now if it's footy scores you're asking about, well..

..Check the footie channel on TV..

However if you want to continue on the Mr. Blobby theme, don't answer your door to the first caller in the morning.....

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Pompey Rich · Posted: Sun Nov 19, 2006 12:17 am Post subject:

If somebody is stood at my front door all pink and covered in spots should I headbut them or sent them to a sexual health clinic? Either way I'll use a condom

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FFoglamp · Posted: Sun Nov 19, 2006 12:19 am Post subject:

But it wouldn't be that sort of HEAD Butt, would it ?
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Mmmmmmm PIE!!! How rare.

Pompey Rich · Posted: Sun Nov 19, 2006 12:38 am Post subject:

Rab. Point taken. Sorry for boring the wotsits off everyone. However. Isle Of SHITE????

I would suggest racism but as there are'nt many Jocks down here maybe I'll get off lightly. And also, at least the sun shined at least three times this year on this lovely island. How many times in Jockanese Land?

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RAB · Posted: Sun Nov 19, 2006 7:15 pm Post subject:

Pompey Rich · Posted: Sun Nov 19, 2006 11:30 pm Post subject:

Well today was nice and sunny so this afternoon I decided to clear my guttering of dead leaves and all the usual cr@p collected over the past year. After I'd nearly finished I thought I would hose everything down. And guessed it. It pi$$ed down.

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