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FFoglamp

Hi guys, still seeing off the wine or is it ALL gone ?

OK seven of you left.

We want everyone on the forum to vote for the person you want to see do the next "bush tucker trial" !!!

The winner has to pretend they are 5 years old, and write a campfire story to keep the others amused..........in the style of a small child !!!!

El Presidente of Forum - Deli , will judge this one!
He will award 1-7 stars, and what do they make ?

7 pussers breakfasts, including the cold curled up egg, and the plate of grease with added bacon.

So, get voting. Who do you want to tell the story (as a 5 year old) ?

Time to hand over to Mr J Pig, if he has insomnia that is.

By the way, anyone seen Hornblower ? or is he as frequent as a Pumpy poem ?

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MrJpig · Posted: Fri Nov 24, 2006 6:54 am Post subject:

Hello all. I am reporting from my sick bed having caught some horrible bug thingy after interviewing that JUNIOR AARDVARK (cheeky little Twonk) I`m glad he has gone.
He really is the most obnoxious character that.............9..10 calm thoughts.

Anyway back to the plot!

Who is going to regress even further and don their best primary school thinking cap for the challenge??

Oh to have a curly pussers egg again. How I miss chasing the food round a plate in a puddle of grease. Still.....when your hungry!!

I`m off now to find Hornblower who I last saw helping a large gentleman write a fanfare Titled ' The Shiny Bulge'

YIBERDEEYABERDEE

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ZedHorn · Posted: Fri Nov 24, 2006 9:27 am Post subject:

Advance request notice dependent on stars for extra egg or a few 'shrooms rather than bacon for me please!! (don't like eating my bandmaster!!) would ask for beans but within the close confines of camp don't think that would be sensible really!!

story time... great, I bet Aaron knows a few childish stories that he could make into one HAYUGE epic.. there's that good one about the non vegetarian bandmaster, the bishop and the wedding...

it was love.. must have been, he went totally grey with lovesickness after that!

Z
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FFoglamp · Posted: Fri Nov 24, 2006 7:05 pm Post subject:

Hi peeps !!!

Keep voting, its a bit thin on that, but you are all weekenders, I spose.

Aaron leading from Rab, on the regression to a be a 5 year old, to tell a story. (This shouldn't be difficult for any of you to do).

Every body getting restless in the jungle today, and thinking of escaping.

How dare they think of weekend leave !!!

At least they are well fed. We just had a slight problem with some nasty bugs in the diary room, but they've gone now.

Voting closes at 23.59 ( or earlier if I get fed up). Get em in.

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FFoglamp · Posted: Fri Nov 24, 2006 11:51 pm Post subject:

OK ! An amazing day in the jungle for those that are left. Its neck n neck between Rab and Aaron on who is to be the official 5 year old.

So, I'm extending the voting past midnight to get 1 more vote in. So, whoever you are, vote now. Is it Rab, or is it the Aardvark ?

This is genuine voting by the forum members who bother to follow this amusing thread(s).

I want one more . Come on !!!!!! Having read this, do it now............

Rab v Aaron !

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MrJpig · Posted: Sat Nov 25, 2006 6:44 am Post subject:

Mornin all

Just had one of the recce team go for a sneaky beaky look around the camp and it would appear that somehow under the cover of darkness a couple of the forummers have managed to sneak past the guards (not difficult as they are always standing to attention eyes front, waiting for the next guard to relieve them) and have gone AWOL in the undergrowth.

Clues have been found to their destinations...there was a green and white scarf found on a branch near a hole in the perimeter fence. It was slightly damaged but the finder said it had a name on it. Why anyone would want a scarf with OVIL written on it I don`t know. maybe they are a fan of that green duck!

There was also a CD cover of Jimmy Shand and his band (from Auchtermuchty) indicating that somebody is planning a ceilidh weekend.

Well have they got a shock when they get back from their galavanting. The rest are going to be pretty hacked off and hungry as one of the escapees has to write a story a bit pronto to win the next meal. If they don`t show, will the task go to the second highest voted... AA??............ no not AA as in nudge nudge wink wink but as in AARON !!

Only FF can decide that one!!

Hornblower has been traced, he is currently laying prone with a case of Bavarias finest by his side and cotton wool in his ears whilst Pumpy is putting the final touches to the 'Shiny Bulge'.

Pumpy has adopted a funny shade which I am told is due to the fact that there are at least 3 ...count `em 3 Top C`s and half a dozen slurs !!

WOW !! It`s gonna be a winner!!

YIBERDEEYABERDEE

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Music has the power to bring people together like no other art form.

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FFoglamp · Posted: Sat Nov 25, 2006 10:48 am Post subject:

Morning all !!!

Its a bit quiet in the camp then. Who gave them a long weekend ?

The voting has now closed and we had an influx of voting overnight.

So, who is going to be the 5 year old and tell us a story. ?

5 of you only polled 1 vote each.

But the neck n neck two, fought it out to the end. We have a winner !!!

So, is it Rab or is it Aaron ?

Please tell us a story around the campfire, my little 5 year old..........

AARON AARDVARK !

So, come on down, AA..................you'll get 7 pussers breakfasts !!!!
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Aaron Aardvark · Posted: Sat Nov 25, 2006 10:54 am Post subject:

Once upon a time I had a nasty dream. I went into my mummy and daddys room and wanted to get in the bed with them. My dad was making funny noises and mum was under him and moaning, dad is always saying she is moaning at him a lot. He said that mummy was poorly and he was making her betta. I am glad my daddy doesun lie on top of me wen im poorly. He is a bit fat and not unfamiliar with the odd Gingsters or Pukka pie and he wood squosh me flat like a pancake wot has bean runed over by a big lorry driven by a man called george who eats bars of cocolate. He said I had to go back to bed but I didn’t wont to so I went downstairs and saw the cat. The cat was just putting his collar on and bacardi badge and saw me. He said shus im going out don’t tell those too twonks up there. I didn’t now my cat could tawk. I said im cumming too or I will tell mummy and daddy. Off we went. We climed threw the cat flap thing and over the gate into nex doors garden. There were other cats there in fact ther was five cats and some were on top of other cats who must have been poorly as well cos they woz making nasty noises. The window opened and the nasty man next door threw warter all over us. All the cats runned away but I hid in the purple bush. It was a bit scary in ther. It was dark. I went out of his garden and walked up the street and saw a curry shop full of men wot was eating curry and drinking fizzy wobbly juice like my dad does and then he does sick and wee in mums wardrobe. They all came out and started singing. It sounded like sit on my face and tell me that you love me but some of them started been sick in the road and some of them were pretendin to be shoulders and marched in the middle of the road. That is silly coz they cood of got squasdhed like my friend billy did when he got runned over by a big green lorry that had the mans nayme on the side drived by a man called eddie who was eating sum cocolate that was made in the country. One of them took his trowsers off and did a rudy botty burp and everyone did laf. The polise lady what was sitting in the car did tell him of and say that she would put her handcuffs on him and take him away. He said he’d quite like that and she did take him away and said she’d take everything down. I started talking to one of them and he said his name was Royal. Funny name. He said would I like to go with them and see another cat. He said there were 5 of them. I said no I want to go home. One of the men said he would take me home so he held my hand and took me home. When he rang on the bell my dad was angry and thumped him right on his nose and he did say owwww. My dad was well hard. My cat looked funny too….he was wobbling and being sick all over the carpet. His name is jack cos my dad did find him in the dockyard and bring him home to eat all the mice what are in my sisters bedroom. I went to bed and had a nightmare that I had turned into an aardvark in a jungle. How rare!! The alarm clock went off and then I woked up. The end.

Aaron Aardvark aged 5 and a ¼ .

ZedHorn · Posted: Sat Nov 25, 2006 11:00 am Post subject:

cool story Aaron... wow 5 and a 1/4... aren't you a clever boy!!!!
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FFoglamp · Posted: Sat Nov 25, 2006 11:06 am Post subject:

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!

Brilliant stuff, AA.

Breakfasts a la pusser, coming in.

Watch out for the eggs bouncing.

No bacon, and extra mush for Zed.

Does little Aaron want the childrens menu ?

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ZedHorn · Posted: Sat Nov 25, 2006 11:09 am Post subject:

fishfingers chips and peas............ mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

if only!!!
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MrJpig · Posted: Sat Nov 25, 2006 11:35 am Post subject:

Brilliant Story AA!! good to see everyone getting fed again.....extra for those that haven`t absconded.

I`m sure there will be a forfiet awaiting the return of ORVIL AND THE TARTAN ONE!!

Happy Days!!

YIBERDEEYABERDEE

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Music has the power to bring people together like no other art form.

Michael Franti

A · Posted: Sat Nov 25, 2006 11:39 am Post subject:

Yum! Breakfast!

AA, you're awfully cute!
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admin · Posted: Sat Nov 25, 2006 12:46 pm Post subject:

***************NEWSFLASH*****************
Due to the last hatbox challenge being carried out at night we have just managed to be able to figure out what happened! The infra red and ultra violet cameras were playing up and the solar powered microphones were not working very well (possibly due to the fact there was no sun). Since then we have had to cancel the other hatbox challenges whilst the batteries, cameras and mics were fixed.

The challenge started at dusk, last light, almost dark but not that dark that you can’t see anything, just a sort of murky dark that is a bit light. As will all good camps, everyone was stood too, we don’t know why they were stood too but they were. Nobody has ever been able to figure out why we stand to at first and last light so just get over it will you, it happens and that is all that you need to know lofty! I digress…
The two chosen for the hatbox are Zed (Latin species Doctor Scalpeluscuttypeople) and Albert (Latin species Orycteropus minorlongclawsandnose ) the Aardvark.

They head out into the bush dressed in fully sea survival suits, inflated life jackets, hoods up and headlights on. They soon realise that walking into a bush in this sort of clothing is silly, climb out of the bush and head up the path towards the challenge area…

Z: You got the map, stop being silly and get us to where we are going
Albert: You are supposed to be the clever one, why don’t you read the map and let me look for ants?
Z: Ants isn’t here, he is in Pompey Band room and why would you want to look for him?
Albert: No ANTS, I’m starving
Z: Don’t get any ideas about eating people and especially me!
Albert: No, ANTS as in little things that live in ant hills
Z: Oh, sorry, I can’t hear you properly with this stupid hood on my head
Albert: Just as well cos you’ll not be able to hear me say you are a bit of a ***remainder of his speech is missing due to microphone noise and failure***
THhhhhhhwack
Z: You cheeky little ***remainder of her speech is missing due to microphone noise and failure***

The two arrive at the challenge site. The bank of a large swampy pool lake type thing. Pinned to a tree is large envelope with the mission instruction:
Welcome to the challenge site, Lake Pumped. The area is inhabited by some of the most dangerous creatures in the jungle so please be careful what you touch and what you do. There are trained animal wranglers on site and snipers concealed in the trees should anything go wrong but we cannot guarantee your safety as these are very wild animals.

Albert: Shhhhh did you hear that?
Z: What?
Albert: That? Listen…
A strange and eerie animal could be heard making a strange call in a strange strangled voice that was perhaps the strangest thing they’d heard since hearing the strange news that Pompey were in the premiership!
Strange eerie sound wafting over the lake like a big bad botty burp from the bottom of a demonic creature that is in a really bad mood and eaten lots of curry and has the mother of all hangovers: Play up Pompey, Pompey play up

(You can see where this is heading can’t you? I know you can, it is the effect of my medication making me write this, I’m not responsible for what keys my fingers press on this keyboard by the way. The devil is making me do this and I apologise for any insults or distress caused to any creature living or dead)

Albert: THAT!!!!!!
Z: Oh lordy, I’m scared!
Albert: I thought you were Zed?
Z: Yes I am, I’m a very scared Zed at the moment. What was that?
Albert: What?
Z: That, moving over there!
They both turned and looked to see a large creature in the water that looked like a large crocodile with a strange head on it. It looked like an extra large pusser’s slug (sleeping bag for the civvies) floating in the water…

Z: Hang on; there is more in these instructions…
The best way to stop the pumpeydile attacking is to wear the shirt of the Southampton Football Club in red and white stripes, adorned with the said crest to ward off all things evil. The pumpeydile will not eat anyone displaying such good taste in clothing
Z: Quick, put the t-shirts on…
Albert: No way, it will clash with my life vest
Z: Here, quick, the pumpeydile is getting closer
Albert: Ohhhhh OK, as it’s you
The pumpeydile started to climb out of the swampy water stuff and edge its way along the bank. Quick as a flash the two jumped into the little boat and started to paddle out into the lake, Zed read on…
In the middle of the layke, you will find your quest. All you ave to do is get thiee and get the hatbox you will then hav to mayke it back to dri land and you’re way back to camp with your spoyils and share them with the rest of he camp god willing you whill make it but if not it has been really nice nowing the pear of u and u have bean grate contestants

Z: Oh, that doesn’t sound good
Albert: I know, terrible punctuation and the spelling is awful. I bet Admin wrote that the illiterate ***remainder of his speech is missing due to microphone noise and failure***
Z: We are going in circles… why?
Albert: Cos you ain’t paddling your side, quick, get paddling or the pumpeydile will get us

The two started to paddle as hard as they could and headed off into the middle of the lake.

THUMP
Albert: What was that?
Z: I dunno! We’ve hit something
Albert: What?
Z: Hang on, I’ll turn my light on
Albert: What is it?
Zed: I don’t know, it looks like a huge pink island that has a Pompey shirt on… Oh wait, I can see the hatbox! There it is, in that large crack in the island.
Albert: Hang on, let me see…
As the two looked at the island they began to realise it was moving very slowly through the water…
Albert: Quick, grab the hatbox
Z: No, it is attached to a piece of string that goes into that big hole in the crack
Albert: Hang on, I’ll get my GPS dooo dah out and see what it says… here we are, we are moving at 3 knots in a northward direction. I’ll google this on my PDA through the BB to see WTF is going on… Ahhhhh, I see
Z: Stop Albert, I think the swamp gasses are getting to you. You seem to have a dose of Abbreviation sickness.

Opening her medical bag she took out some pills and gave them to Albert
Z: Quick, take these PDQ, not PR, you might need a sip of H2O to make them go down… I’ll take some now as well.
Albert: That’s better… it says on google that it is a strange and mythical beast… the stuff of legend. They have never been seen outside of mythical films and paintings in the Chapel of the Back Door and are worshiped by the Knights of the Brown Ring… it is a Bottypottymous (latin species Glutimusmaximus bottyburpstinkymuch)!
Z: What do we do?
Albert: Well, If I swipe the big bit there, you can grab the hatbox and that swipe should mean that the key, which I suspect is on the end of the string, will be able to be pulled out of the botty of the Bottypottymous and we can than flee with great haste back to Terra Firma and be heroes back at the camp!
Z: Albert, that is a stunning plan, why you are talking like a Dickensian actor in a manner of a great detective. How on earth did you figure out that cunning yet genius plan?
Albert: Alimentary my dear Zed, all Alimentary

With and almighty swipe Albert hit the beasts behind as Zed yanked on the hatbox. The string tightened and the key shot out. A huge gust of wind followed that blew tha pair’s boat straight across the lake, hitting the pumpeydile and squashing it against a tree on the bank. Like a pair of meercats they lept from the boat and ran all the way back to the camp.

On arrival at the camp the out of breath pair opened that hatbox to jubilant cries from the rest of the assembled crowd. Inside the box was a note:
Dear all, I hope ya’ll like this Thanksgiving fare. Max (Floridian branch)
Inside the box was a selection of Corn dogs, chilli dogs, McPharos Sandburgers with Mummy Finger bites, Cabbage king Chocolate dipped sprouts, Cheeze Whizz and a selction of Bavarian beers and lashings of ginger beers and a jolly good time was had by all
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FFoglamp · Posted: Sat Nov 25, 2006 2:52 pm Post subject:

Wow !!!! How can you follow that ? So, that was what they were up to t'other night.

What a shame we had technical hitches at the time. Albert (little) Aardvark went through all of that, and then got voted off. With Rab and GF escaped, the others are actually getting fat on pussers breakfasts, and Florida Fare.

Who is growing the most ? yep, you've guessed it......its WELL Stuffed Donkey !

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